i have a new outlook on life. i tried something today. i actually did something spontanious that i wanted to do. for me. im pissed today though. today was not a good day. it started right when i woke up. i woke up 20 mintues earlier than im suppose to wake up. then i went back to sleep and woke up 20 minutes later than im supposed to wake up. so i was rushing in the morning. then i was pulled off the bus and yelled at by the bus driver for something i didnt do. when i got to school i had to finsih home work but i couldnt get it all done. i dont know school just sucks. i know whats bothering me now. but i feel like i can do anything about it. theres always that feeling. and whenever i try to do something about it all i do is dig myself deeper and deeper. i slept the rest of the way home. no good reason to be awake. the feeling of things slipping away. the feeling of losing. the feeling that ive already lost. it makes me so made at myself. all im doing is getting unwanted attention somedays. today i did. i moved to a different place for once. i was so happy. i did somthing good to someone today. i made someone smile. i gave someone else something. i made them smile too. it made me smile for what i did. but still that feeling of loss is eating away at me everyday. i need communication. i want my life back.

your ..fogar

im happy. just talking sometimes gets me. hopefully it will be ok. i like talking to people face to face. but sometimes thats impossible. the was something someone said today that really got me thinking. he said,"there is only one difference between two things". that had me thinking what he ment. i mean this guys like my twin. i never really thought there was anyone like me until i met this guy this year. he two years older than me. doesnt look a thing like me. but we think so much alike its uncanny. i never really caught it until the other peoples at the table pointed it out. we've become slight friends i guess. mainly in that one class. its just weird finding out there really are people like you. you talk like you. think like you. act like you. i mean your friends pick up traits and sayings sometimes. but a complete stranger who i have never known. i dont know why but it makes me happy. i though everyone who acted like me was either murdered or misteriously vanished. im a careful person so i thought i was always lucky. i dont know. i do have a talent of seeing into people. you can tell a person just by their name what kind of person they are. its discrimiation. but the main key is to think positive. negative points corrupt the true person. you can tell a nice person from a mean person by their face. but you have to look past all the makeup. i dont like makeup much. it takes away from the real persons beauty. its just lies. i hate lies. there are people like you. even if there arent words to describe you, there are people like you.

your fogar

i was really happy earlier today and now i feel terrible. i dont know i cant let it go. just in a bad mood right now. i hope everything turns out alright. i dont know. i hate how my mood can change with just one little mistake. the thing is i dont want to dwell on it either. i like the idea of forgive and forget. aww forget it. good news for the site. i added a counter (thats the cube on the bottom) and ive been trying to publicize the site on different search engines. i guess that something to be happy about. not much but ok. i was happy because i actually got something i was waiting for since friday. just made my day. all you need is one good thing and it can last a long time. or at least make you happy for once. somedays i can take it and someother days i cant. lately i havent been trying to take much initiative because usually its me doing much of everything. i dont know. im just making up excuses arent i? well i will do something about it now i guess. i dont want to crawl into bed and feel sorry for myself. i havent done that for a while and im not going to start now. its been good actually doing something with my life. its not much but i am doing something again. i went outside and did yard work. i should work harder on school though. that deserves alot of attention. you should actually try if you dont. i bearly try at all. i really should then i might surprise myself like i usually do unlike last year. last year i ignored school almost completely. you know one good thing about today was that i read my short story in class. i actually asked if i could read it. i got up there and everyone laughed there heart out. even though ive read it like ten times i still laughed. it was a great story of how a man went through a terrible ordeal with his obsession. he kills a man and sees how wrong his obsession was. he saw how it got way too out of hand. it was funny. im happy now. thankyou.

your fogar

i made a bad decision. i guess ill have to live with it. i took a nap and now im all alone. im too tired to do anything. im all alone today. i want to go to the party. i want to talk on the phone. i want to have fun. i want to help people. i want to be productive. i want to be socialible. i want to see my friends. i want to see what has been happening. i want to do something. i dont want to crawl into bed and feel sorry for myself. i wish i could at least take a walk down by the river without feeling scared. we all have our places of enlightenment. im just wasting my life now. i could have done something today. people wanted me to go. i was going to go. but then i got tired slept throught everything and now i have no ride anywhere. i made a promise i think and now so far i dont think i will be able to keep it and is sucks so bad! my promises are not made to be broken. i tell people ill do something if i mean to really try. i promise people when i give my word. when i give my word that means ill do everything in my power to do what i said i would. fuck why couldnt today have turned out prefect. why didnt i call earlier. why didnt i go to the party. fuck.

your fogar

not the best past few days. adolecents a bitch. i hate it. your minds developing and turning from a child with no care in the world to an adult who actually thinks about things. i think too much. i worry about things. i worry about people other than myself. things that i thought would never matter to me do. i used to never cry at funerals. now i cry when someones sad. physically my brain is changing and will continue too. i hate it. i hate posers too. i mean we all are actually. i lost my inasence or what ever and now its like i try to hold onto it as hard as i can. but inside you start dying. you dont really know whats wrong. you have an idea but you dont want to believe it. you feel like there is no reason to keep living. it turns your life into a hunt to find a reason. any little reason is enough to save you. but sometimes people dont have any little reason and then something triggers it. triggers and attempt. i can never try because i know ill do it right. ill kill my self. guys are more likely to succeed in a suicide. girls are likely to fail. more guys die than girls from suiside even though more girls try to kill themselves. trust is a big factor. if you cant trust anyone you allways scared even of you best friend. if you trust too much you get hurt too much because people will do things you dont approve of. they have lives and so do you. i trust people too much. but im learning. i used to believe in everything. i used to believe in nothing. now im confused. im never sure anymore. do you have that feeling. like your lost in something that never makes sense. like your never youself anywhere. you not yourself even in your own head. i wish i could leave everything and drive off by myself with no care in the world. thats impossible for me though. i care too much about people, things, and my own life. being careful can be good for you but it can also kill you. you must take chances. you must have a reason. i spent last year looking for a reason. when i didnt find one i gave up. i was my own reason. i had a real best friend who i could really talk to but i lost them. but after so many problems came and went i met someone. someone who cared. then i had a reason.

your fogar

happy happy day! never a prefect day but today was close. missed my ride, and well some things need to be said. well off that uncomfortable note that you dont understand. i used a finger ball today at a bowling alley. i actually did pretty good. you dont care do you. sorry. people actually care as much as you do. even if you dont think they do. i know that but its just hard to understand how someone really could.it feels good. i wish i could say more but im making today short. you are good people. everyone is.

your fogar.

im never sure about anything. im one of those people who are never sure of what they want. when i go to buy clothes it takes me a few trips to many different stores to find something i like. there for i have many blank shirts with nothing on them. its hard enough finding good shirts with nothing on them that are not made of tissue paper. pants are another thing. i dont like jeans on me. i dont own any jeans. they are always too tight. i dont even know what my favorite color is. i dont know my favorite food. i dont know my favorite store. i do know my favorite thing to do and my favorite place to be. i dont know how people can have a gigantic wardrobe of clothes they like. its easier to find good long sleeve shirts but you can only wear them at a certain time or else i get too hot. im always hot. i hat eit when people yell or talk about someone they dont know. i hate it. dont yell at me. you dont know what i go through. i dont know what you go through. i thought you were a nice person. why do people treat others so badly because of there own mistakes. i hate it i hate it.i hate it.

im sorry about today but i cant ask. when ever im in a bad mood im always confused or mad. i was mad you left me. i was mad you werent grounded. i dont know exactly why though. i was happy one second then mad. i should have been over joyed. im sorry. i was mainly confused today. i wasnt comfortable today. it was so stressful that a got a nosebleed. the first time i got one in a while. no i wasnt picking my nose or in anyfight. ive had one in chours durring school. i used to have a bloodstain on my shoe but i washed off after a year or so. thank god for icecream.

your fogar

i can wait forever. it may be hard but i dont care. will you wait for me? i dont want to end the beginings of such happyness. i had a great sleep yesturday knowing of what i wanted to do. its good, this feeling. i wish there was something i could do to help you out. it sucks feeling this powerless to help. i dont care about passionate sex. i dont care about what it is we do. all i care about is the time we spend together. with you the time is limited but worth so much more. now time is limited that ever. the only time we see each other is in school. but seeing you in school is like looking at a picture. im feeling like a fool and its making me sicker. being sick is better than dying. i can take sickness but death i dont know. i dont want to remember you as the one i let go of. you cant rape the willing but you sure can try.

your fogar

one day is all it takes. all it takes to remind you of the day it all started, and why. why did i hold on. why did i care. why did i give. why did i feel. why did i want some one to care. now i remember why. i remember why everything happened. the feeling of someone there next to you is all needed to remember why. i do it all again for a day like that.

i hate talking about people. i hate saying things needed to be said. i hate it when people change. even for the better its still different from how it was. things change, people change. why do things always seem to be terrible but work out? why? if i know im going to be hurt. is it worth what will be waiting for me in the end. i saw what ive been waiting for but why is it so hard.

your fogar

i feel better now. i was happy yesturday until, well. i feel better than i did in the morning and yesturday night. you learn something new everyday about people. many changes have happened this day. this always seem to work out. i dont know how but well i dont know. im still confused. i guess ill have to see what the next day brings. each day your should try to learn something new. even if its that they only sell hp sauce in england. it can be big or small. a day you dont learn is wasted time. and you dont have time to waste time. i feel free and unobligated but i still care. its a weird feeling of i hate saying but peace. no worries, just unanswered questions.

i hate it when people tell me to read something. i mean suggesting a good book is ok. but someone telling you to read a book by a due date or someone telling you to read when you dont have time. heres a good new thing that you might learn. the truth is that suggesting someone to do something is more effective than telling. it is true. i have been in a special traing course. they said that the only thing better than suggestion is setting an example. so set the example. i hate saying that but please. learn.

your fogar

rewalking that path is but a dream. circuling the path is your troubles. walking off the path is cheating your self. walking backwards is cheating others. walking over mountains is you triumph. i hate sayings like that. so many says are stupid. i hate i hate i hate sayings. not because of who says them but that they are always right. they seems wrong at one point but past that point then you see what was ment. once old youll wish you were a kid again. when you are a kid you wanted to be older. when older you want to be younger. when does that change. give it time. i dont have time. time heals all. i dont have time. time goes by and they are right. one desition postponed can help you see what you didnt before when you were blinded. when you were once mad you are now happy. i hate metafores and similies. i hate poems. i hate rymes. i hate limits. i hate pointy things. i hate paint. i hate color. i hate technology. i hate love. i hate lust. i hate everything. i hate how things always turn out right. i hate how movies always have good endings. i hate the repetitive story lines of books. i hate predictability. i hate not talking to people face to face.

gloryous days never come without the beginnings of the end. happyness comes with great sadness. cacophiloty. leave the past in the past, the time is now. 2 wrongs dont make a right, but three rights make a left. cat mandune i guess.

your fogar

new friends are fun to meet. how does one mistake turn into a good day. all you can do is go with it and it turned out well. pretending im batman is fun. but why do i talk about batman so much that yesturday at the lollypop machine it played the old batman song. that was a good day. i had to call collect for a ride which was a little hassel but everything was good. it was great. i feel happy. i feel happy. just dont hit me in the head so you can take me out of that world of crap. that you though. i feel happy. if i died would someone notice? oh yeah people take attendence at school. they would know. is that it. how would you find out. would there be an announcment? would they care. possibly. they would do that for anyone. some one would cry. it doesnt matter who died. some one cares. someone even if it seems everyone doesnt. i feel happy.

your fogar

when you go outside all you can do is hope for the best. take it all in and dont let it put you down. i see people do that and i dont know how. some how though i see myself doing the same thing. but when i come home i feel like a failure. like i failed something. something that i actually acheived. im happy but worried. then i see that the other person feels just like me and when ive been asking for love. i see they want it too. im sorry. i see what i have done. i hope to make it up to you. i will make it up to you. i have to fortify. there are many different things i could say. i could talk about the floating orange peels that no person notices. you would not have known they exsisted unless i told you. funny thing is i trust so much but yet im full of worries. thats the problem with a memory. you cant let go of something unless you really let go. some people forget. it sticks in my mind and eats away at me. eats untill i break. that happpened yesturday. and you know what all i needed to hear was? i just wanted to hear someone loved me. just because i didnt hear it the day before. i didnt really say it that day. but i did yesturday. i hate saying what other people need but i know that sometimes you need to hear that too.

your fogar

im dying here. help me. i wish it could be the way it was. when there were no worries anymore. im not mad that you talked. im mad that you never said you love me. i thought we were good. god i hate life. you never know how good you had it till your unsure. why dont you call me. you want to know what made me really mad yesturday. when you were laughing, i was crying. when you were singing, i was dying. im dying. when i needed to talk to you. you werent there. you never were. i dont know why im crying. i hate it when people cry about pointless things. like i knew this was going to happen again. just not this soon. not THIS soon. i have never had one fully happy day in my life. i thought that would change. come on give me something to work with. do you want me to break up with you? ive been feeling like you have. i heard you were going to break up with me. believe me i was too. but i didnt. you didnt either. i thought that ment something. life is not good.

some fogar

good night. good day. i feel much better. a good talk always works out what matters. there is something that confuses me. it doesnt matter. lifes confusing eat it up. stay out till welcomed but help till refused. to comfort someone ive learned that you should talk about good things that have happened. i learned that the hard way. im going up to the country. where am i going to go? i wish i knew. im glad i dont. knowing your future is never the best thing. you can never predict it. only after the day is over can you see the coincidence of how things fell in place. how do things fall in place. home work is done. life is good

your fogar

talk to me. tell me how you feel please. im dying here. people scare me. im mainly confused. ever get into a relationship where you love the person so much but it doesnt feel like its going anywhere. all you seem to do is get hurt. you see i dont love many things. i care too much about everything. i care about just about everyone i know. i hate talking about other people i know. i really hate talking about people i dont know. mainly because i dont know any of the sercomstances. ill stand by anyone and believe they made the right desitition. i dont know how to spell well so if you show me ill trust you. ive trusted in people too much in the past. now its hard for me to trust. bear with me though. i can forgive. i can empathize. i hate that part about me. i have too much empathy. can you really see how i feel? compare something that happened to you to my situation. heres an example if youve never been in a relationship. have you ever felt so sick that you would die. you knew you wouldnt die but it just hurt you not only on the outside but in the inside. that inside feeling is how i feel. i feel like shit because i love but somehow im hurt. give me one good reason to hate you. i want someone to show me they care. maybe thats my problem though. do i show people i care. do i show my love. should i show my love. i want to stay together and see us become something new.

the reason i cant trust, i wish you could see. forgiving is a must, especially for me.

your fogar confused but slightly happy

ha. its funny how one thing can change you intire day. i have never had one real ful good day in i cant remember. i thought today would be one un til like an hour ago. ahhhhhhhhhh......leave me alone for a second please. i cant take it. im confused now. are you comming are going. tell me what you want. if some one said they almost your spent your money and asked if you were mad what would you say first? i was confused. what do you mean spent my money? did you borrow money? i dont know if im mad at you yet slow down. you confuse me when you only have time to talk for a minute. they dont tell you what happened all they say is they almost spent it. then they leave. no love just bye. hard to understand them. you probably cant understand me. i cant either. im confused. im mad now because i want to know what you were talking about. dont leave someone hanging on a good day. never leave somehanging. do you still love me?

your fogar...i hope

"a new outlook brightens your image and brings new friends." so says my fortune cookie today. it makes sence too. yesturday i let something go. i threw the rock that forced me to stay the way i was away. it was hard to throw it into the water but i did. a month ago i was so depresed that i took a walk in the cemetary down the street. i sat by the water and wrote one name on a rock that i threw into the water and another name on another rock that i put back on the ground. it is complicated but it symbolized me letting somone go and keeping another. well i went back yesturday and threw that rock i put back into the water. i hate symbolizim. now i am free. i have a new outlook and i siad hi to an old friend who i probably wouldnt have if i didnt throw the rock away. they are a new friend to me. i havent talked to them in 4 years. its good to let things go. " lucky numbers 1, 4, 6, 34, 38, 43."

your fogar

have you ever had a day where it seemed like it was going to be a very long day. one where you knew the turnout was going to be bad. yesturday was such a day for me. yesturday was a great day but didnt end that way. i spent half the entire time trying to get foam out of a friends hair. i had a nice walk to subway to get something to eat. never got to roll down that hill though like planned. once i got back to school i just wanted to leave. nothing was right when i came back. i hate people who dont think of others before them. i hate people who dont trust others. i hate people who dont try to make the best of things. must of all i hate myself. it was my falt my night was so miserable. the next morning as well. the thing i like about poeple who arent me is i cant screw up and the next day it doesnt matter to them as much as it seemed. i forgive too much that i dont release it but push it out of the way to bother me another daytill i see the wrongness is what i did. i hate all things. i hate the word love. i hate it when love is overused till it means nothing and i can say i love those white things the seaguls leave on my car. i hate people who protest. i hate people who think they are always right. i hate religious guidelines. i hate pointless rules. i hate people who make fun of people's ideas. i hate poeple who make fun of other peoples looks and style. i hate people who steal. i hate people. sometimes i wounder what i love. i feel like all i can now is people who smell like playdoe.

your fogar

When i came out crap went everywhere. thats how they got my name. people love the end of days and the end of years. they hate death but love life. they hate starting a year and a day. for why then are they content. content of happyness. never got that,never will.

ive been told i look like a stove. is that possible? i think not my friend. friends suck. all kinds and forms of flavors. i taste like sugar lemon, jasmin, and a tint of pumpkin. my girl friend says differently. i hate that term girlfriend. i hate everything. hate is just like love , but love is harder to achieve. i hate you all. got alot to lose. i dont feel like it. i want to sacrafise my life instead of dying in a bed in my sleep. i dont want to die for a cause i dont believe in either. catmandune for you today.

your fogar