laughters a good thing. ok, heres a joke. "what do you a call an armless and legless man shaving?"

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whats MY release? where am I going? what about ME? questions about ME. you need to ask yourself what about me. pay attention to yourself more. i dont give myself enough credit. i have so much yet i dont give myself credit for it. ask yourself questions about yourself. todays thanksgiving. a holiday that wasnt really supposed to catch on. it was a one time holiday that just happened to be for only one day in only one year. the president made declaired it a holiday the second year in a row and it just caught on. wasnt really ment to be about americans and pilgrims but turned out to be. funny how things happen. it was a day of togetherness bettween two groups now its a holiday between families. this day went well id say. played cards all day. thats it. no fighting so im happy. usually some fight breaks out but not this time. things are getting better though it doesnt seem that way for other people.on thanksgiving i dont thank everyone. instead i thank myself. thats not selfish. sometimes unselfishness is self destructiveness. take care of yourself. you should be the most important person in your life for it is your life and only yours.

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whos better than who. i know you want to be better than everyone else. somepeople even make their mind think that. i used to do that. i used to make myself believe i was better than everyone else. id put people down and walk off like nothing happened. now it sticks with me. if i say something wrong it sticks. i used to be a jackass to alot of people. now i try to not put anyone down and see the good in people. before i didnt care about life. i do now though. when your free you dont care. not careing is a problem. your just spreading negativity around instead of facing it. hurting somone can seem indolent. you dont even know its hurting them little by little. it is though. be happy with people. if their is no one to share with their is no happyness at all. are you better than someone. pesimisticism is the best thing to use. but dont put yourself down too much because you can become self destructive. it is better to compliment people than to scorn. its good to say i can do better to yourself than to have someone telling you you can do better. of course in a way its a compliment but in another it isnt for some reason. suggestion is the key. i cant stress that enough. suggest dont tell. dont be afraid to use constructional critisism. just make sure you dont suck much either. i hate hipocrits. however you spell it. im not good at spelling. im a hipocrit. i say to do one thinga nd i do another. i hate it. i want to do what i say but it doesnt work that way sometimes. dont pick out peoples inperfections and make them feel less of a person. that just sucks to hear things like that. your hairs ugly, your teeth are ugly. blah blah blah. thats not constructional. thats hurtful. things like i like it when you put your hair up or when you put it down. if its such things where you cant suggest, make good comments when they look nice. just make a person happy. youll feel it too. you shouldnt do something you know youll regret. if it hurts dont hurt it. change it. comment the good. make people feel special. suggest!

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force again all. my heads wrong. how does the day after feel like a useless day. i havent done anything today worth remembering. yesturday was a busy day. it was a full day i should say. it was a good day. full of recreation, progress, and fun. im slapped down again. im sorry i have a sort of writers block. im not angry. theres worry but not for me really. put out alot of emotion yesturday in strength and mentality. anonimity is a meaning i must know. i can only contimplate its meaning. words have no reason unless we put reason behind them. the english language has now over 500,000 words. thats more words than any other language. yet we only uses hundreds. who put those meanings in those words. we did. if we use them too much do they lose their meaning? i think they only lose meaning if you let them. ive said the word "meaning" so much and yet the point is met. the strickingness of words are lost at somepoint. i used to never use some words. i tryed to avoid them. strickingness was strong in some of those words. it still is in some. others not much. would you pay someone to say every word in the english language to say everyword to you 50 times? somepeople would. words lose meaning if you let them. remember when "neat" was a "cool" word? did it lose meaning or did you just grow up?

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i cant tell if people lie to me. im not that kind of person. i trust people. i kid around though. when i do i make it obvious though. i dont know its confusing. my grandpa kids around so much me and my father have a phrase for it now. when anyone says they're kidding we say "you kid around too much i dont know when your telling the truth or when your not." its confusing. if your lying people will notice somehow. but i dont. i go on trust. you give them the choice. i wont find out but i sure get confused. and concerned. the thing is to not ask too much or soon your asking will create a problem. i hate it when people ask me but they care. they really do

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you can never convince someone of something different from what they have been taught. you can but its not that easy. you must be open to all ideas. people hold strong to religion. they say your wrong and they're right. you on the other hand say they're wrong and your right. unless your open to it though. parents are a big factor on what a child knows. they say my daddy told me that brown cows make chocolate milk. for a while a child will believe that. he will not even believe his friends untill proven wrong. usually that will be by a teacher or a book. anyone inferior is wrong to them. if i told you that i ate pizza today would you believe me. most likely because it make no difference if i did or didnt. so you proving me wrong is kind of pointless. on the otherhand if i said abraham lincon is on the five dollar bill because hes the fifth president of the USA then youd probably say i was wrong. either because you know he isnt or because your not sure but you dont want to fully adopt my interpretation. in otherwords we dont believe everything people say. even if they are very trusted. we only trust ourselves and our superiors. do you trust televison? the day you start trusting televison is the day you let everything go. it may sound bad but actually that is a good thing. you need to let go. trusting people is a dangerous thing i know. but if everyone trusted eachother then the truth would come.

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blub blub. i was walking home with my neighbor friday. he kicked something in the leaves and called it what seemed to be blub blub. i guess people need to think about themselves more. ive been trying not to think too much about other people for a while now. it never works. i always worry and wish. you know youve heard that its better to give than recieve. well you can give too much and be too generous that you are left with nothing but happy friends and an empty heart. you need to let yourself recieve. sometimes even though i know people care i feel like they dont. people do. they care. sometimes you need to go through life without someone holding your hand. you need to cry for yourself and noone else. not because of what people think of you. not because you did something. not because someone else was hurt but because you need to. people are there to help you and to hurt you. you need to find out your passafires and needels. what keeps you calm and whatmakes you cry. sometime what you kick youll find out to be your passafire.

yellow fellow bellow mellow tellow. today sucked. today was great. if you just take time to sit down and talk to someone. it sometimes can make a whole world of difference. ive heard all the stories. the one about the suicidal man. he was walking down the street and he said that if the next person who walks bye doesnt say hi he'll kill his self. a person walks by, no hi. he like ok im going to kill myself. the a little girl on a bigwheel comes down and says with a big smile hello! and hes like maybe i wont. i hate using stories like that but yeah it happens. i was looking for excuses when there was a big one right in from of me. so many reasons but one excuse is all you need to change you mind. simple things. simple things is all you need to give. but sometimes its hard when your a giver but never seem to be a reciever. you do recieve though. more than you think. you recieve so much. just remember to give. even if its just some time. sit down with someone and say hello hows everything.

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attention. everybody wants attention. you see annoying people. funny people. interesting people. mean people. and..and..i hate to say this word. its not even in my vocabulary but howshall i say this? athletic people. anyways. attention drives people. sometimes a person will be sad to get attention. i dont know. i think that could actually be why ive been sad lately. i dont want the attention because im sad but i do. the thing is when someones down i try not to pay attention to them too much. it could actually make things worse. people need attention. that why somepeople who cant take peopkle usually have pets. some people resort to other things like music and tv. occupying your self and stimulating your mind is something you must do. attention is just a life long quest in which we seek peoples thoughts so we can share our own. the thing is the reason we listen to others is actually so we can tell them our own ideas. look at it this way. its an exchange of ideas. you must listen to tell. respect and be respected. you want attention from people. i spend too much time doing nothing that when i do have time to do something i dont want to sit around. i want to do something. anything. stimulate my mind. if you want to share ideas find an outlet. then let it flow.

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i never had it. i never knew many people. i can see through people, yes. i can know what kind of person someone is. but i dont know them. i dont know anyone. not even me. im sick. not sick as in physically having a cold. i dont have a mental disease. unless you mean myself. being myself is a mental disease. im sick in the head. im controlable. to an extent. now im mad. im laughed at. forget it. forget it. im done. if you want to forget things occupy your self. but if your as lucky as me. you dont have anything to do. i only have three activities of the week besides school and sleep. and one person on my mind. it sucks. i want to have everything out of my head now. yes there are voices in my head. do you know what they say? they say what should be said. what should be done.

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now i typed up a nice entry for today about if onlys. how ironic is it that it happened to be erased? im angry now but im fine. everything is good. i was pretty bad earlier today. i was so confused and out of it today that someone said i was acting like an old man. an old man that is very confused and lost. i just needed to get everything out. at the end of the day my favorite person came up to me smileing and gave me a big hug which seemed to last forever. i squeezed her so hard and i didnt want to let go. that made my day. some people were asking me if i was alright today. it seems to happen alot to me lately. the truth is they usually are right though. i really cant talk about this again. dont you hate it when people do that. you ask them what they said and they say forget it. but you want to know . you want to know what they said or what they ment. but they wont tell you. sometime they tell you and you didnt want to know that. sometimes when they say you dont want to know. take their word for it. its like xmas presents. you know you can go look at them but if you do its not going to be what you expected. just boring old presents that you dont want. yet you can do anything about them. well better luck next year.

your fogar

im am too sick to do anything but yet i find myself doing everything im supposed to. i cant rest. not till all is finished. i just found out someone was mad at me. i was kidding around but i made them mad. i did regret what i did that day. and now i wish i could take back that intire day. things happen for a reason. no not really. there is no reason for anything that happens.

your fogar

why is it so hard to feel secure? is it because im so used to not feeling secure that when i am i feel like there is a problem with the security i have? i think your right. i dont think ive ever been sure of anything since i was a child. before jr. high. before all that i was sure of everything execpt what restaurant i wanted to go to. im still not sure of that either. if im so secure than why do i feel like ive been hit by a truck in my head twice. i know tomarrow im going to walk right back in the middle of the street. im going to lay down and the same things going to happen tomarrow. and the day after that. come pick me up. get hit with me. thats not empathy thats a friend. my neighbors cat died last week. the one day i walked to the bus a different way. the one day i was so late that i ran to the bus stop through the grass. if i went the normal way i would have seen a dying cat. i could have done something. maybe not saved him but i could have i dont know. do something. to some people a cat may seem insignificant. to other a cat may mean their life to them. their cat is their security. they know that someone will always come back as long as they give them food. maybe thats why you see old people feeding the birds. they always come back. the old people. they always come back.

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i dont know if its being sick which has made today so wrong or that ive done nothing right today. i wish i could take back today. i wish i could take back my life. but i dont believe in that. i cant. i hate beliefs and religions. they always hold back so much more. so much more ideas and possibilities. today just didnt seem to go right at all. everything i said was wrong. everything i did was wrong. i was worried about someone today but that was resolved. my day sucked from the begining. late up. i was so sick on the bus i couldnt take it any longer. hearing of a neighbor dying and workplace burning down didnt really help. they werent my neighbor and job but it didnt help. my eyes shook today. i think being sick changes your intire way of thinking. my mood changed form a sure person to a person who didnt care. you never seem to care what someone is talking about. all you care about is getting through the day with out doing anything you regret. well i regret today. intirely. when your sick apparently it turns robotic. all you want to do is get through the day. adolecents is a sickness. and the only cure is time. all you want to do is get through the day. get through it without regreting anything.

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little children are fun to some. little children are annoying to others. i see little children as something i lost. something i crave. little children always seem happy, sad, or tired. never robotic as i like to say. my life used to be so robotic. full of i dont know. i dont care. whatevers and leave me alones. i was always watching tv or eating. i want to be a child again. courious about everything, free of restraint and care. but i have responsibilities. some people dont see that they have responsibilities though. things like drinking egts on my nerves. it turns responsible adults into children. free of care about anyone or anything. they destroy their lives and their friends live without restraint. they dont care if someones crying. if their life is endanger or if someone elses life is. i hate it. i want to be free of care but i already had my full of that. i have to act my age and take on my life by myself. people depend on me. i cant depend on everyone to do everything for me anymore. i want to have a full life and i cant do that with someone holding my hand. i like kids but i can only take them for so long. i cant take a full grown adult acting like that for long either. grow up people. learn that if you cant live your life your self give it to someone. get somehelp. but dont depend on anyone but your self. find a reason. a drive. let that be your buzz. let that get you up in the morning. let it bring out the best of you.

your fogar

now im sure. now i know. im so happy. it feels very good to be sure of yourself of everything. even though most of you probably just went out trick or treating or handing out candy. i went to church. im not all that strong in the religious section but i knew why i was there so i didnt mind at all. relationships are really hard when you bearly get to see them. but when you do see them, you know whatever suffering there seemed to be doesnt matter. it was all worth it. long distance relationships are hard. really hard. they get unbearable sometimes but if its worth it youll get through it. i feel so stupid now. but at least im happy. that the main point in life right happyness. mentally speaking. physically speaking its reproduction. as in if you dont reproduce then life wont go on. it wont continue. happyness is freedom from everything that will be, is, or was sad. if there is no comparison there is no happyness. happyness comes with great sadness. remember that and you will find happyness out of the worst situation.

your fogar