people have problems. you should know that. i know it but i cant understand it. what you should do is find a way to deal with that problem. problems create stress. even if its not a bad problem such as having a party or waiting for something in the mail. check out this site here. it shows you ways on how to treat stress. plus you cant go wrong with those awesome little teddy bears acting out the problems. you might as well just visit it just to see the bears. one thing that i likes was that it talked about what to do if you went to bed and you couldnt go to sleep. read. that always makes me tired. no wounder why i bearly ever read. when i was reading things i read something on panic attacks. the funny thing is a story someone wrote used the phrase "inpending sense of doom". it made me stop because a friend of mine used that. i used the words "somethings wrong but i dont know what". talking like im smart again. i wish i could change my intire person in a day. just wake up a new person. some people can do that but i dont think i can. i dont know. i do know, i can if i try. but, im not willing to. im tired of trying. tired of everything now. why wont my brain let it seems like it is like how it was. when everything was perfect. nothing is ever like the first time. its never the same. once its burned into your brain once, it is never like the first. its always second, third, forth, and so on. it could be the same but your brain wil never let it feel like it is. you wish.

your fogar

to fast. when bad things happen they happen fast or slow. never like a normal day. you lose everyday when you just sit at home and do nothing. ive had two snowdays in a row. if you dont know what a snow day is well it is a day when it snows, the roads are really bad as in slippery, or when it is -25 degrees outside and impossible to go outside without swiming through a few feet of snow or freezing the snot from your runny nose. i have exams next week and now i dont have anything to study from. i dont even know what to study. i actually did things yesturday. when i found out i had the day off i watched some tv. i saw an info-merceial like the ones you see from showtime rotisory, or that guy with the exclamtion points all over him. i saw the motovational speaker man who made the tapes on actually doing things with your life. you know the guy from shallow hal. he's tall. well, i wrote down tens goals for the day and i told myself i didnt need to do them. i wanted more out of my day. i wanted to do them. i ended up doing all but three. one was impossible but i know will happen. i accomplished the least likely goals i thought i would. i know youve been told to set goals for yourself. teach your self that you need to accomplish them and al that. well just write down any goals even if they are impossible. everything you want to get rid of. everything you want to do. tell yourself you want more and get that more. well it worked for a day. i cant get motavated enough. you probably have seen shows like that. you tell your self you will do something with your life. you do it that day. the next day it goes right back to what it was like. well it was worth a try right? i dont think it was. you should be more productive. thats how this capitalism works. productive things are rewarded. if you sit and watch tv you wont go far. i wish i could be a child again. those people where right when they said you would wish you were young again once you reached their age. remember when you were 7 and you couldnt wait to be 16. when you were 16 and couldnt wait to be 21. now you wish you could be 7 again. worries over. when you didnt understand much. i wish.

your fogar

i wish i had my paper on abuse. i dont know much about abuse. i know theres physical and mental. passive and active. i can't notice them. im not writing for anyone but me. i started writing before anyone told me too. it seems so long ago. as if it never happened. someone told me to write in a notebook or something. they told me i have great ideas. great thoughts and ideas. i wrote things that would hurt but make people think too. the words hurt me. i didnt like that book. but it let me get my feelings out. i hate rereading that book. it brings back too many bad memories. it wasnt a journal or diary. it was something else. it put my thoughts out on paper. i didnt have to organize it. i did sometimes. it calmed me down. it was an outlet. like this site it now to me. an outlet to other people for people to listen to what me, common sense, and other people have to really say. some one used to talk about a book they would just write in and say the things they wish they could in front of people. have you ever held back. holding back is hard sometimes. if you control yourself and think it can help. but you know that sometimes it doesnt. people take you ideas and you get angry because it was in your head but they said it. or maybe you didnt want to give your opinion when some one asked for it but you knew what you were going to say. you knew that you liked that shirt or you hated those pants. you knew it but you never said it. so they bought them and you were haunted by that same thought in your head. i hate them i hate them...because you never said you hate them. you know of other times when you could have said something different whish brings us back to the icecream man. every action creates a whole new life. every new life is a whole new world. its full of new choices to be made. to the world you may just be one person, but to one person you may be the world.

your fogar

sometimes someone telling you what you want could actually help. it helps to be told everything will be ok. it really helps when its a random magic eight ball and not a person trying to be nice. thats why i like those random things. even though i hate the word random.

your fogar

some people use music lyrics to show how they feel. they isten to the words and see how those words of another fit into theirs. its singing to them and only them. i asked someone a long time ago if songs ment as much as they did then as they do now. she told me they did. she thought they were always speaking to her. singing for her. i never saw it that way till i went into jr high. that was a long time ago. it was oly till then when i actually listened to them. i learned that a song wasnt just entertatinment through sound. but through the heart as well. some songs touched people. even enough to make them cry. they are reminders, foretellers, ecapes, outlets, and messages to people. troubled or happy people. it doesnt matter. song makes people think and tap into their minds, it can calm a person, pump someone up, and even let people loose. i dont like to take words from songs though. they arent my words. i dont use someone elses words to explain how i feel. they are not about me. my words are. people need to live their live as their life. not in a song.

your fogar

i feel rage. i feel rage. i am happy. i feel like someone stabbed me. i feel like someone cleared my head. i feel tired. i feel screwed with. i feel worthless. i am worthless. things work out. people break promises. people beg. and beg. and beg. people tease, and hurt. people who are there for you just want something from you. i cant trust anyone anymore. where did that happyness go. i lost it. then i found it by casting someone down. then i found the exact opposite i was looking for. i saw a red letter. opposite's e. stabbing me twice. i am worthless. dont bring back what i though would be. i knew it wouldnt happen but i wanted to pretend. stop it. it hurts.

your fogar

some people say they love your eyes. some people say they dont understand the big things about eyes. some doctors examine eyes to see if you have a disease. they say that it is just a scam. i guess. there was a bizarre phenomena that there was a boy named Ken whose eyes literally said something in his iris. it said the latin phrase "DEUS MEUS" in his left eye. which means my god. in his left it said "ELOHIM". which means god. some said they didnt really see it. people only see what they want see. sometimes it isnt exactly there but their mind makes it seem as though it is. some people say you look into a person's soul when you look into their eyes. the first thing you most likely see when you look at a person is their eyes. you can tell if someone has a cold or hasnt gotten any sleep by just looking at their eyes. i guess thats where the eye examining doctors got the idea. the iris of the eyes thins and the pupil enlarges when you talk to someone you are interested in. your eyes water when you are depressed and can bearly stand pain. there is so much you can see in a persons eyes. you can tell if they are happy or sad. angry or glad. some people think you can even tell a person's personality just through their eyes. women in some religions can only show their eyes. everything else is hidden by a shawl, cloak, or mask of some sort. but you can see their eyes and thats all you really need. all you need to do is look into their eyes. then you can see the person.

your fogar

is this the hole people go into. ive never seen this hole before. its different. this hole seems endless. yet im still standing. i can see the light out of the top but it seems to keep fading away. no one can hear your cries. people dont even know the hole your in. im trapped but it will take me time to collape the corner in the round hole. only then can i come out of the hole. but how i got here keeps me from trying. trying to get out of this hole. throw me a rope and help me understand. help me out of this hole. talk to me and comfort me. dont tell someone else to help me out. it will take to much time to get here. do it yourself and then you can leave. but dont sit there and wounder. unless your in this hole with me

your fogar

i never saw what the young boy was doing. he only said to me that we were here. i asked were but he just said here.

i want to see in peoples minds again. i want to imagine people bald. its fun and you learn alot about a person once you do. bald men, women, hairy ladies, just people. i want to hate the word random again. for nothing is random and everything is ever changing for no reason. well, to exist. i dont have a reason, does that mean i must find a reason or that a reason doesnt really matter. i guess it doesnt matter anymore. maybe the reason was to learn you dont need a reason. life is all you need.

did i learn. did i change. on top then you fall off and you cannot remember why only that. our terrible fallicy is our mind. our ablility to exist comes from the same thing that ends it. it may seem unusual but its the same for all living things. if you can breath water, you end up on land somehow then you will die. unless you can breath bolth air and water. can you breath air and water? i know i cant. can i survive my own growth?

your fogar

im sorry about not making much entrees. a few of them were deleted, and i havent had much time during the holidays. my sister was hurt and had to go to the hospital. plus there were xmas parties and birthday parties.my sisters back to her normal self not careing what her parents say. little rebel. its better than what i do all day. today i just woke up and my fingers hurt from bowling yesturday. its the only thing that i enjoy getting out of the house for this time of year. i need a better ball. mines like 50 years old. i've been taking instructions from people so my shot has been changing. i still suck. i got another 500. thats good for me. something to be happy about. i mean besides everything ending in one day. i went to a family birthday party. found out our big spring break trip was canceled. my sister broke her back. parents brawled. and i ended up at home awake all night answering the phone because of worried people without a clock. that was one of the worst days of my life right there. thanks for being there. yep you sure know me.

your fogar