wah I'm drowning in my own blood. Drive is lost from my mind and all that remains right now is my hope that still seems to move me even though the light is on. I just need someone to let me relase this emotion but now I feel the most ugly as I ever have felt. My confidence is gone as well. I have rejected myself. I had a nice girl as me out. I decided I give her a chance even though I didn't feel attracted to her. Now don't get me wrong for she was not ugly and she wasn't stupid. She knew what she wanted too. I knew what she wanted. But I just didn't feel that way. Continue to when she picks me up and takes me to her room. I figure she will get me drunk while getting my homework done. I felt it was going to be productive. Naaa. All she wanted to do was fuck and you might say dude...fuck. But when you have no Al Hall with you and you are not previously attracted to this lady what happens is nothing. I couldn't move in because I myself did feel attracted to her. I actually did that once before and it sucked balls. Not literally. I wished. That girl was boring and lazy as hell. What it was about was not sex but just the feeling to be liked and okay to get off. Scratch what I said because I'm not going to lie yeah sex would be fun and nice but I don't know this girl just met her not attracted to her fuck I dont get what my actions did. I know that when I'm in a room or when your in a room you would look around and go yeah I'd do her/him. I just always though but now I too high for anyone. ehhh. I just want someone to hang out and to give a nice regular fuck to. Someone that could take the dogpound or the pile-driver. Preferably a broken in funny goof that would drink with me. But why can't I settle in my mind yet. urgh. I'm just too lazy. I don't want to do everything. I had a talk to a lady friend about relationships and how she got into hers. Here is someinteresting insight. When she first started her relationship her manfriend was very persistent. She even told the man that if he wanted it to work that he would have to do all the calling and basically put forth all the effort for the relationship. Sounds like that would be a dick thing to do but now she is very happy because she and her man friend are still going strong after a year or two. I told her that is exactly the opposite of what I want. I don't want to do all the work in a relationship. She told me that it just doesn't work that way. The girl will always be thinking things like does he really like me or does he just like me for the sex? Fuck girl. That just insults me as a man. If you have never had a close relationship where you felt something so much bigger that yourself I'm sorry for you. Not your dick asshole, I was talking about a feeling like adrenaline, a burning in your chest, being so happy that you couldn't give a shit what you were doing together because you know that you would have so much fun either way. A fuck buddy is fun as well but if the girl can't tell the difference if she is only a fuck buddy or a girlfriend then you are retarded. I don't understand why you hate me so. My stress is just building to beat me down everyday every class seems like a C and every group seems to be let down and my time seems to be lost and my goals seem to be late and my time is spent going in fifteen minute periods. Movies of useless thoughts of other useless people. ugh and ugh.I seem to have lost the meaning of fogar but I will give you
your fogar

Dragging on and on...wasting time and money and life because my life is my time and time is money if you turn it into the money that is possible to make. Why do I stay in my room all day doing nothing? Probably because I don't feel like it. so easy to do nothing. where is my motivation? I don't know probably from sex. Will I get any if I do anything today. Probably not...so why am I doing anything. Point made.

sorry about the light but let bring something to your mind. many travels have giving me some reasons to ask why do people use these drugs to impede themselves. now i believe that i wrote something on this long ago. now lets take it out of the box. I propose that it is all nostalgia from your childhood. this is if we talk of alcohol. other drugs are another story and personally i dont have much experience with them. but alcohol yes. i remember my writing on it was written before i had the experience of being drunk. now waystidness, as i shall hopefully call it, is like going back to the womb. we release our inhibitions yet we my know what is right and wrong we may not have any constraint for it. we are more likely to just go with our ideas. pointless things seem far more funny and stupid ideas are great ideas. i have thought many of times if it would actually be enjoyable to be reborn as a baby with the same knowledge and consciousness that i have now. would it really be? not able to have any conversation past what was on tv, or what this action figures name is. you can't talk about anything in a textbook because none of your friends would understand you. if you have babysat and played with the kids it is hard. it is fun in the beginning but it gets boring because it doesn't really challenge any thinking skills besides pretending. you may say that writing needs imagination...well it also requires manipulation of words and a knowledge of structuring a story. otherwise the story will not grab attention or interest. writing about something your interested in, even if no one will read it, is also different. this is because it is more of a conversation with your self. those i enjoy a lot. maybe not aloud but on this blog it is fun. back to the alcohol. when waystid i know that i feel free of my mature constraints. I have seen people get emotional when waystid, some people talk way to much, some people don't do anything. there are many different events that come about but they all lead to something that can be explained by loss of constraint or you can say maturity. one of my favorite effects of the waystidness is the blackout. this point can usually be noticed after the fact but by a veteran it can easily bee recognized for what it is. the turning point in the night where whatever you do you know your going to have a great time and not remember. the stories are a great benefit but the risk is also difficult. puking in your sleep in a big killer in alcohol related deaths. alcohol poisoning can be prevented as long as you know your limits. my limits are small but i know them. my point is not getting across because i am talking about other things but that is alright.
new subject: story attempt...did you take your vitamin c today? no but i will, they put it in everything now. i dont know why you wish for me to take it all the time now. no reason..it just prevents scuvey. we arent on a ship you retard. wee...ar..ent o..mm...a shoo..pp!!!! shut up asshole. fuck you...what is going on today. ahh that idea of writing drunkin journeys was a great idea. and........we should start it. i know your going to start writing and then give up. that's what happens all the time. fuck you. what is with all the potty. im just starting the party! no...you knew what i said. times are changing and language changes. whatever not my problem. i have so much work to do. everyone does. duhhh. this is what preschool? sure is pre graduate school. yeah if thats what you plan on doing with your life. living at school forEVER! foREVER? no FOREv..heyyyy how goes it T? Im good. anything new B? no nothing...lifes what you give it..a sock..whaaa..???he's acting retarded again lets check that wording....yep retard. what's with all the retarded talk? we already talked about the potty ness of our talk today thankyou..A Party?!?!? funny G. but that's not what was said and you know it. it did sound somewhat like party. it's your accent dude. dont accent my potty dude. part? shut up dickface! you need a devil's haircut. ha funny man with the music innuendo. when i feel the snake bi.Shut it! always allow B to take it up a notch. a..waa..a...y..ys a..a.lllo.w screw this. im taking a dump. thanks for telling me B.
going to stop for today

ex hasted with doing much of a lot of pretty much nothing hast fully. I notice there is a sort of glaze that covers someone who is tired and sick at the same time. It might just be my sickness. Sickness gives me a nice perspective to look from. My head doesn't hurt at all. It is only my nose and ears that are clogged with something that impedes them. i noticed i was typing correctly for a second but i quickly fixed that. let me give you something useful that you can use. lets see...Tokay nothing so far i am in need to do work and work constantly builds up but never too much build up that i die. it just builds and builds to a point. i want the hogan to finish in this ice but i know that it won't. there really was nothing very productive. i could wine to you all day if you wish but i don't think that that is necessary. it would be great to you you as a log for my dreams. i know it would be great to get back into typing again. i'm not that bad. i read a chapter in my lucid dreaming book and it looks like it would be a great book but i still have many other to read before hand. nothing in my life is going the way i would like it to. i need to start something going but i have no passion. without passion there is nothing that can be created in a manner that would seem more that a shit job. no pun intended to the people who wish to pretend like they know what i am talking about. i sure as hell have no idea. one more thing is that i don't want you to eat candy anymore you disgusting little hooper. that was one of the most ugliest showings of showmanship that could destroy the earthy cow fat-asses of the herd.
How's my word count? i don't know what to say to that i just don't feel like doing anything right now. one more thing, you stink, one more thing i loved the oldish Jackie Chang show, that was fully. and stupid at the same time. i should get some sleep and then copy this one problem online into my home work. ha what another waste of a weekend. i know that it was ugly but that is all you get. the Zeus surgical system ate all my homework so that the long metal ends are used to slip into the abdomen an eat all the intestines until no one can see there own eyes but who cares. it's only a movie.