Turns and turns give me the wonders of what will come next. I just wonder what life will steer me to next. I am larger than ever in my head but I know that I have become forgotten already. Steering for importance kills me. It is an egotistical action that makes me wish that I was not being hypocritical. It is true though. You taste importance and you want more. You crave more. I didn't want to become important at first. I just want to do something. I then wanted to be a part of something. I then wanted to help and feel belonging. I then wanted to become essential. Once you hit essential to success, then your ego grows. People recognize you and you feel good. An amazing goodness that cannot be faked. You can make up awards or you can create fake objects but the words and eyes that are lain upon you change you.
Once this change occurs I reached higher. I reached the top, my full potential. Then when you put yourself in a place where you are not the best you learn the most. Constant learning was very beneficial for me. When that learning ends all you have is yourself to look into. Looking into myself I found another empty vessel with empty promises. There is still much potential to be noticed. I can not wait for the next challenge. Where is this challenge. Come to me now! I am sitting around leeching off the same knowledge that I have long mastered. New new new! I need newness to grow and I am devolving in my own filth.
New dreams grow. I shall reach for one that is attainable now. It will be something that can be repeated multiple times till the end of my time. Some one knows someone who knows someone who did it. I shall be one who did it. I shall walk for pointless countless days for a goals that only a fool would think is acceptable. I have toys. The toy attaining part was fun. I have made reservations and read the books on it. Easy is what I call it. Will it test me? I hope so. I hope it makes me cry, scream, and yell. I hope it makes my heart beat. I hope my mind races and crashes. I hope new lessons are learned. I hope I change. I wish to lose fear of phones, fear of older people, and fear of rejection. I can speak in front of others. I will accept opportunities. I have stumbled over my words and spoken so fast in front of people who look up to me and think so highly of me.
When will that respect return? It is not won in two years anymore. It is something that is won in ten, twenty, thirty years now. Thirty years of respectful action. Stretch out your arms and fall over yourself. Even the effort required to get up and run drains my mind. The after effects are so beneficial. Confidence, health, and investment in the future make me smile. Reach for my hopes and dreams through my goals and actions and expectations and help through service. Channels, opportunities, mentors, advisors, aides, assistants, abilities and lessons shall stick and fit.
